These are all things that I LOVE when people do them.

1. Stand far away from the mic, and definitely don’t point your mouth at it.
2. If the mic is wireless, definitely hold it like a “cool rapper” and cup the top – not only does it look great and sound great, you’ll be able to smell the breath of the last person before you. And who wouldn’t want that?
3. Speak or sing as quietly as possible. If I don’t have the gain knob all the way up, you’re too loud.
4. If you’re using a guitar, make sure the amp is louder than anything else on stage – who else can compete with the drums?
5. If you’re a drummer, be sure to play much louder during the show than you did in sound check.
6. Tell the engineer that something doesn’t sound right, but be sure to do it within the first 3 seconds of hearing it – the less of a chance they had to fix it beforehand, the better.
7. Touch the gear. Isn’t it pretty?
8. “Oh, that’s the old stage plot. The input list is different too.”
9. Tell the engineer that it needs to be louder. Much louder. Despite the fact that the speakers might already be catching on fire.
10. Give the engineer your phone to play a track. Especially if it’s playing something from YouTube, the obvious pinnacle of audio quality.